Very true.  My husband had a child from previous relationship, the ex's mother took the baby in under false pretence that she was minding the baby while they both went to work, when they split up, the grandmother told the court that neither parents had bothered with the child and she should be the one having custody.  The child went to live with the grandmother and my husband was denied visitation.  When we met, I encouraged him to fight for access, psychiatrist got involved and many child welfare organisations, because my husband was deaf, they let their own opinion cloud what was best for the girl.  At the end of the day they were listening to an old woman who muttered "my heart my heart" as a way to gain a sympathy vote also as a way to deny them an opportunity to get tough with her.  The grandmother blackmailed the little girl into believing that if she chose tolive with her dad, she will never see her grandmother who she lived with for 4 years ever again.  That was a lie, my husband was not fighting to claim her, he was fighting for access.  The girl was frightened enough to tell the psychiatrist she didn't want to have anything to do with her daddy.  Even though she had told a family member of his that she loved her daddy and loved he was spending time with her, and loved he took the time to take her swimming, parks, and things, where her grandmother kept her at home because she was too old to do these things for her.

Like I said, he only wanted access, surely the grandmother should have thought and put the girl first in thinking, well the father can do these things I can't, it would be in the childs best interest for him to have access, but no.  She was selfish to refuse that, and the psychiatrist was too stupid to see through her lies and put the welfare of the girl first and foremost, and ruled in favour of the grandmother based on what the girl told them about not wanting to have anything to do with him, bear in mind the grandmother was in the same room as her.

We both went on to have 3 children of our own, 6,3, and 6 months old baby.  We both know, him especially, that in the event we split up, separate or divorce, it would be so much better for the children to stay with me, and him with access.  He is fantastic with the children, but is clueless with rules, boundaries, school work, dental appointments, and such.  If the children lived with him, they'd starve or be filled up on sweets, stay up late and never have a bath.  Of course the kids would choose to live with him if had a choice!!

I think parents should put aside their difference, and truly think about what is best for the children in the long run.  Unfortunately, so many parents don't, instead use their children as pawns to hurt the other.  I've seen it happen with friends and it is horrible.

JJ