I really believe that children WANT limits because it gives them security.  But  you have to get past that peer pressure thing with their friends and make them realize that they're not ten feet tall and bulletproof before you can make a beginning with the boundaries that you want to set.  The boundaries I'm talking about are:  curfew, no drinking or drugs rule, keeping their room clean, doing their homework, banning certain friends that you don't trust, and other issues like that.  I believe that taking away privileges and explaining your point of view BRIEFLY is the only way to set boundaries.  And teaching them that they are worthwhile individuals who deserve good friends who won't get them into trouble, and good boyfriends/girlfriends who won't pressure them into anything, is a must.  Giving children a positive self-image while defending your rules of the house is the best way to make sure that the boundaries you set and the respect that you require is given back to you.  Also, it helps if you mirror to your children that you have a good healthy self-image and that you are living in a positive, pro-active way.  They will learn this from you and thank you for your rules later in life.

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I agree that certain limits are a good idea, but we also have to be careful to be kind and compassionate and to sympathise if the child rebels against losing a friend because we do not approve. Sometimes this act can make the friend sem even more exciting and so they still meet but undercover.  I do wonder how some children survive their upbringing with overbearing parents but then again others seem to have a total free rein and turn to vandalism and law breaking without even a harsh word from their parents.

I have raised 2 teens .. and I work with children .. each age each area each child is different .. boundaries are set ... but sometimes they have to be stretched - Communication is the best thing you can offer and have for and with your child!

Our children our a reflection of ourself. I believe in boundaries but adjustable boundaries. My kids are young so I have to learn with time

If we concentrate on telling them no you can not do that ........that leaves them open to try to figure for themselves what they can do ...


Instead of saying NO --- try giving them something that they can do ...

For example >.. NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE..

If you must run please go outside.