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Posts: 658 · Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 7:51 pm

Rhutobello wrote:

I think it stow a mirror of our society...we expect so much more to happen in our life....the government take over more and more of our duties...by day caring centers and home for the elderly. It is expected that both have to go to work in order to keep up with the standard put up by the advertising company....the life goes faster....we have less time for each other and the family.

This might lead to less understanding...and less will to search for solutions.
Many see even a little obstacle as something big and don't try to solve it at all....since it has become more common that people divorce...it is neither that big shame anymore to end it...and there is many that feel the grass is greener on others lawn

At the same time, people who live in "relationship" increase....so in a >50 years time I think only people who fancy tradition will marry....which again show that not all progress are good progress.....because if we take the children into account...a stable marriage/relationship is to prefer.

Much of what you say certainly applies to divorce here in the U.S.A. especially in the department of quick fixes like divorce. Could another problem in the rising divorce rate have to do with our reasons for marriage?

Posts: 658 · Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 8:05 pm

spiritalk wrote:

Stan: I fit into your catagory of 20+ years and finally throwing in the towel. I was married at 19 and had a lot of growing and living to do. I thought it could be done in my marriage.

Hubby 1 was a controlling and negative person. When he found he could not control one way, he tried every other way. Eventually he ended up with a neurological illness (perhaps he couldn't control his body after all?)

At the end I was told I was not the person he had married. What a statement? My response: I should hope not!

To me, this outlines his problems more than anything else.

BTW the second time around is wonderful! I have a loving, caring hubby who knows the meaning of love and giving. We share so much that was not possible for me in the past.

I certainly empathise with what you had to endure and face the world all alone. If in looking back at your ordeal over all, can you find anything that has helped your present loving relationship?

Posts: 658 · Posted: Wed Dec 12, 2007 8:32 pm

[quote="Amethyst-Jen"]Sometimes I think we have to look deeper then just the numbers. Marriage is a wonderful institution if both parties are committed. We look at our ancestors who were together forever and we think that's the way it should be. However, what we're not bringing to the forefront is the abuse many women (and some men) had to endure because divorce was just not done. Would you say that a woman HAS to stay with her husband if he beats her everyday? 100 yrs ago (even 50 yrs ago), that was the case. Heck, women used to be OWNED by their husbands. Not so anymore. Women have more rights and in the end, they can get out if things are abusive.

Also, people change and not always at the same rate. You can't expect that after 20 yrs of being together that you will have two people who still feel the same way they felt before...sometimes its better, sometimes its not.

Sure, its sad that the divorce rate is up, but you have to look at the reasons for those divorces instead of just the number. Infidelity, change in behaviors and/or thoughts or abuse.[/quote

I'm quite aware that these numbers are only now truly reflecting conditions that existed when the numbers were low and I also think there are a lot more reasons for the numbers being as high as they are. One is your word to the other person in the way of commitment. As an observer, I'm not feeling the hurt and the pain and humiliation and the confusion and having to face your own family and that of co-workers and say, she left me. It would be nice if we could just push a button and everything is okay. But it's not okay and there's some serious stuff going on. And probably somebody reading this thread today is thinking of leaving somebody else. Thanks for your good points. lol

Posts: 1998 · Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 6:51 pm

I am married. I think had i not been married to my husband and lived with him instead i would not have tried so hard and would not be with him now. So marriage can be a positive thing but I have seen some terrible marriages were the balance of power was uneven and both people suffered terribly.

Posts: 658 · Posted: Mon Dec 17, 2007 2:35 am

[quote="suzisco"]I am married. I think had i not been married to my husband and lived with him instead i would not have tried so hard and would not be with him now. So marriage can be a positive thing but I have seen some terrible marriages were the balance of power was uneven and both people suffered terribly.[/quote)

I wonder how we go from love to balance of power? Isn't that one of the traps if it begins to gradually consume one's consciousness? I believe that many marriages are doomed from the beginning and the cause is our motivations for marriage in the first place. Like romance, economics etc.. I also believe that it is best to marry and sex before marriage is out.