Dhav,
It is indeed a sad situation and a sensitive issue.My brother went thru a divorce few years back. It was a love marriage but they were two opposites. They had a daughter and they had some good times, but the disparity continued.

The saddest thing was whenever there was a fight she used to directly or undirectly witness it and since the mother was at home she used to feel bad for her mother whenever the fights used to end up in crying or if my sil would react by vanishing from the house for few hours without informing my brother. Unfortunatey the 6 year old saw how to get back and she started reacting in the same way with her father. SHe loved her father too as he was the more emotional loving anf the fun parent who taught her the best things. SHe was indeed torn and realising that how harmful it was for his daughter he moved out of the city due to work reasons. Things became better as my niece realised that daddy needs to work and he used to come home every weekends because he truly loved his daughter.

To cut it really short. WIth the distance from his wife, things improved where my niece was concerned , but unfortunately they headed for a divorce. Meanwhile both her mom and dad remarried. But my brother slowly ( about 16 months) got my niece introduced and adjusted to her new mom and with time she started liking her. SHe accepted her and loves her today.

The saddest thing is she hasnt been able to completely accept her new dad. But she is much happier than before. ( only relatively) She enjoys her visits with her dad but stays with her mom. But the thing is she doest say a thing about her mom and her new dad. She never ever says a word abt her mom to anyone of us.

Its indeed sad for the child, but if you try and make things work and live happily for the sake of the children thats great , but if you put up an act for the kids then they eventually sense it and feel cheated and it isint good for their self esteem. They think its okay to suffer in silence and it becomes a big insecurity issue in their life.

Sorry for rambling.

It's not rambling SoulSearch.infact i am glad that my topic could make you remove what was suppressed inside.that's what i wanted.when you remove these things out all seems to be in a better place.i feel sad for the child.i think she need someone to talk.she must be talking about it to her friends.i think you should find out about it or talk to your brother because if she is not talking about her mom perhaps there is something wrong.the children don't know if they are doing wrong or right.even i was always suppressing things in my heart.i wouldn't tell anyone what was my problem because there was no one to talk.seeing my parents fight would make me feel insecure.this gradually build up into anger.eventually i was rebellious and it became more complicated for me and my parents.i had many times thought of suicide or going into drugs.i was suffocating inside.my parents, instead of understanding me ,began finding me bad.it was all hurting.now i am all right and i have to clear up many things so that positive things can come into my life.i have to make place for the positive.

you should try becoming your niece's frend with whom she will feel at ease to talk later.never pressurise her.she will talk when she feel like.and most important try making her strong inside.try to build the attitude that she can make her life a better one.
make her love life with her full heart.hope i said right.
lights of love,
dhav

ps my parents never divorced and things has improved between them but it has left some scars inside me.

I am from  divorce  parents and myself divorce with 3 children then remarried and added 3 stepchildren...in this world today .there are more people raising other peoples children than not...The kids today don't find it odd to have 2 families..And in some cases 4 families...It is what the parents do to make this either a hard time for them or not..Of course there are things that go on in a childs mind that no one knows and they don't talk about..But that happens in the happiest of homes ...Some times the divorce is the best thing that ever happen to the child sometimes not..there are no set rules on how to handle any child ..3 kids from one house can and will be completely different..one feels more than the other..If the parents do the very best they can for all concern .then they have done what they can..and you can not ask for more...If they are selfish and don't do the best..then they would have been that way even if not divorce...there are so many factors in raising a child that divorce plays only a part of the over all affects...If we sat down and thought it completely through.what we had to do to be good parents ,good people,do the right thing, make everyone happy ...I believe fewer people would have children at all...But we don't usually... we know we will try to do the very best we can and hope for the best so we go on with it...that is the circus of life...

I am sorry Dhav that you did go through a lot. I hope you find peace with all the turmoil you went thru. I hope you can forgive your parents and understand that they did their best in a given situation and they were completely oblivious to the whole thing.

With your belief and want to make place for the positive things in your life, I am sure it will definately happen. I am sure you will make a success of your life.

Like dayanera said that we have to give the kids a healthy environment and that is what she has now. SHe is pretty close to her step mom.The only thing is she doesnt talk about her mom to us. Even if its a call, she will hush and talk to her mom or her answers abt her mom will be short...not that she resents her mom but she does not want to share any information with us. But she is opening up. SHe is such a happy go lucky person.

Take care and thanks for your advice .

kids sometimes do not talk about a parent or new parents to the other set of parents because they feel they may say something ..that makes them think they like the other parent better.To them this is picking sides..They don't want them to think they like one better than the other..if I read all of this right she is 6..6 year olds mostly think about how to get what they want..they see and listen to figure out the best way to get that...she may think it is best not to mention mom because it causes tension or it maybe she just isn't interested in her right now..I think the best think to do is ask ..see how she reacts and go from that..you maybe thinking she is upset when she isn't ...The only way to know is ask and then really pay attention to what she says and how she reacts to the question.