Hi everyone - I stumbled upon this site while surfing the net, and I'm looking forward to browsing and learning.  There are so many topics that interest me, but today "parents & families" jumped out at me.  

I have a difficult spouse, and we have a toddler.  I would tell you that we still have some fun times together, but the few years we have been together have involved him yelling, calling me names, threatening divorce and occasionally knocking something over.  Still, most of the time things are calm - though the usual affection and attention that flows in a good relationship is missing.  Our initimate life is horrible.  

Why do I stay?  Because most of the time he is in control and he is a wonderful father.  I didn't grow up in a perfect household, so my tolerance is a bit higher than some folks.  

This year, I have felt at a crossroads.  An akashic reader once told me that he has two souls - that he carries a nephalim who sometimes takes over.

For those of you in difficult relationships, what do you do to cope?  How have you decided to stay or go?  

We have been to counseling.  It doesn't help.  It isn't going to change, and yet, I long for the man I know he is capable of being.  

Sorry this is my first post and that it is disjointed.  We are in one of the bad spells right now, and though I know it will pass I don't know if I can go on this way.  I've read books about divorce and children, and as with everything there is always two stories.  

Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

Hi there,

The first thing that i am going to ask you is, how much love do you think there still is in your marriage , is it enough to hold on to it?Or do you feel that nothing will ever change?

I see in your post that you have been to counseling , thats not always a good ideia.

From my own experience im going through a very rough time with my wife right now , but the love i feel for her wont let me leave ( and i have reasons for it ) we have 2 kids and i know that she loves me but her mind is very confused and wont let the feeling come out like in the past.All she thinks of is work and i feel like im on the bottom of her priorities.
Maybe that is the same problem , one thing that helped things turn a bit was psicotherapy , maybe there is something inside your spouse that needs to be solved and therapy might do it ( not couple therapy , that comes later ).

See if you can convince your spouse to go to at least one session , a skilled doctor will make wonders.

And remember , dont stay in your marriage because of kids , but make sure that if you leave you've done all that you could to save it , they deserve that.

hi im bee .................... when i was very young i met my ex hubby ............. we seperated 3 times yes 3 times before i said no more of this mind game stuff .................. i believe that when someone enters your life its for a reason................some   people stay in your life some people will go in there own direction................... i feel people come into  a persons  life because  you  and those people had unfinished business from  a past life .............. staying or leaving a marriage is a very difficult desission to make ..... need to do what is right for you and your children at the same time........... and if you chose to leave how would your life be different or better ................ and how would that affect your children ?...................... i believe you know when your ready to leave ...you just wake up one morning and say to your self enough is enough ...time to move on from this to a better life ......either that or you work out a way to have a better relationship somehow with your spouse

the way that i think back now of my sad life with my ex is...i was so guliable and nieave but now im a stronger person within myself and no one can fool me anymore ...i am grateful to him for teaching me this

I appreciate you both sharing some of your own stories.  

I hit my breaking point a couple of weeks ago and gave my husband an ultimatum.  I told him I refused to live with verbal abuse anymore and didn't want our child to grow up in that atmosphere.  I think I must have really scared him because he is signing up for an anger therapy class and has agreed to work through some emotion workbooks.

We both agreed couples counseling was not very helpful for our situation.  "be nice to each other" just doesn't cut it.  We also are working on some other agreements, and I have seen him trying to be better.  

I don't expect things to be resolved overnight and still expect more outbursts and insanity, but as long as we are moving in the right direction I am willing to work on the relationship.  I think the love is still there underneath all of the hurt.  

Sometimes, I still want to throw in the towel when I sense the slightest change in his tone, then I remind myself how nice it would be if we could function as a family.  

I don't know where things will land, but I'm hoping for the best.  I figure it is worth giving it 6 more months and then reevaluating.  It is difficult though as I need to deal with my own feelings of approach v. avoidance now and don't completely trust the good times.  But I told him that no one can make these bad things go away except him.  Does he want his family intact or not?   I think that he does, and I hope it isn't too late.

I know it seems like a cliche but i beleive that love conquers all , hope that it is your case.