Every time I get drunk and.pass out I have suicidal dreams or I'm trying to commit it

Well at the risk of sounding contentious perhaps getting drunk and passing out is not the answer for you.  Alcohol as a substance is a depressant and not very good for your psyche especially if you are having difficulties already.

I suspect that the suicidal ideation that you have is a manifestation of your deeper subconscious desire to hide away from your angst and difficulties.

Its important to remember that life is full of difficult moments and perhaps its not the living through the difficult times that matters but actually how you are coping with it.  You will remember how you felt more vividly than actual sequence of events.

kind regards

Suzi

perhaps you have a strong desire for total self transformation in your life.