Saturday - November 5, 2009
Dream
I am in a big city. I am Sarah Jessica Parker playing Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and The City in the dream (Sarah Jessica Parker/Carrie Bradshaw - Actress/Materialistic personality. Sarah Jessica Parker is an actress the role she plays as Carrie Bradshaw exudes a very nice person who is  heavily grounded in material world. An example of this is her huge passion for fashion wear). I am going down a staircase to some underground parking of a huge building. I see Richard (a friend and classmate from university days who helped me prepare for my finance exam and is also very spiritual and a leader in many ways, he always smiled and greet mne when he sees me, nothing sexual or romantic was present however). He stops, greets me and gives me a kiss on his way up the stairs. Then while I am going down I realize there is an item I need to pick up off the stairs but I am afraid to and afraid I will fall down the stairs. There is also an unwillingness to go down the stairs.
Then I am in another scene where I still am Sarah Jessica Parker. I am in the dark at the top of a set of stairs in a home. There is a door that is open with light from the outside. The door is beside the top stair that I am on. It is open. I am afraid to/don’t want to go down the stairs and afraid of falling, so I sit on the stairs and drag my bum down it extremely slowly.

Analysis
Richard kisses me – My spirit guide (discovered his name was Richard a couple months ago) contacting and communicating with me, he is giving me this message/insight and perhaps also wishing me warm tidings.
A big city, an actress, Carrie Bradshaw, slow descent down the stairs, almost as if I am rebelling against or afraid to go - Letting me know that I have a lot of potential, I am trying hard to stay on track, I am very close to the light, but my occasional regression into my materialistic and posing/putting up a front/an act behaviour and tendencies, as well as shutting people out and avoiding relationships, will see my steady regression from my spiritual progress. Seeing and moving away from the door way at the top of the stairs leading to a room with light coming from outside suggests, I am getting sidetracked from my spiritual path. The reasons are mentioned - superficial or distant relationships the disability to make meaningful ones. Avoiding the door leading to the room of light and my fear of picking up the item off the stairs - My continued fear and unwillingness to acknowledge the signs/opportunities being shown to me will hinder me.

An unwillingness to go downstairs but still going down hesitantly may also suggest that I have worked so hard on my spiritual progression but I may need to return to a lower vibration to face something I never got over or learned from properly which is something I am unwilling to do… My fear of falling down the stairs prob speaks to my fear of losing control or not being able to elevate myself again once go back to that lower vibration.

Lessons/Message/Summary
Fears and Doubt
Shutting everyone and everything out
Shutting out or ignoring opportunities
Keeping people at a distance and pushing them away
Acting/posing putting up fake appearances to people that are supposed to be close to me
Often leading to superficial relationships with same people
All serves as barriers to spiritual growth

Monday, December 7, 2009
Mom, my brother, and I were in mom’s bedroom. Some other people were around working. Two actresses I think. Somebody came to visit, we were looking forward to her visit at first but when she came I thought she was trying to attack us. So I forced her out with the door and held it closed for a long while. Then the woman came back. She was a really angry red headed woman an actress I would see in a lot of movies. I respect her and like her personality a lot. Each time she would come back with a different weapon. Once another person tried to get in and my mother and brother insisted that I open the door because I don’t know who it could be and it did turn out to be somebody else. After that I took out a golden key and locked the door again. I tried to couple times in vain then succeeded the final time. I still stood there guarding door and looked through the adjacent see through wall to see if she is coming. My brother and mother do not try to help me, they watch in a laidback jovial way even laughing at some point. The apprehension and fear was so intense that it lingered upon my waking.

Being in my mom’s room with her and my brother refers to me leaning heavily on them for protection or using them to hide from something. Being in mom’s room speaks to the fact that her life plays a/the centre role in mine. It also speaks to the fact that my brother and I dominate hers as well. It could almost be considered codependent – our relationship with each other, although this is based on security issues not so much on love and affection. Love and affection are very much there but they are not driving this sort of codependency.
Seeing the actress working in the room represents the psychological issues I need to work on; one of these being the fact that I am superficial and distant in my relationships with family and close ones. I depend heavily on my brother and mother (especially) for support and protection, yet at the same time I need to work on improving the quality of my relationships with them and their value to me.
The fact that that actress from ‘The Game’ was in it suggests that the qualities that the role she has have about herself I need to work on within myself, primarily dependence, selfishness and insecurity, perhaps being self absorbed too, these things cause narrow mindedness in me on many levels as well. The fact that she was working as an assistant perhaps speak to organization and coordination abilities/skills which I need to work on as well. Perhaps if I work on these things I will lean a lot less heavily on my family particularly my mother who dominates in my life and be able to stand strongly on my own two feet.
The redheaded woman represents the spontaneity and physical and intelligent vigor of my life. The anger in her perhaps represents passion, sassiness, spunk, and the fighter in me.
It may also speak to my sexual libido. Her anger inspires fear in me, which suggests I shut away or lock away these aspects of myself because I am afraid of them. She comes back with various weapons and tries to enter the door. My brother and mother don’t try to fight, in fact they are laidback and sometimes even laugh at my insistence at shutting this person out. My life is at a standstill I am losing these aspects of myself, my zest for life, my purpose for living. I have stopped living. These things fight to reenter or stay in my life, but I fight back as equally to shut them out. My fear and insecurities allow me to win this battle.
The fact that I didn’t want to open the door when I thought it was somebody else and eventually did at my mother and brother’s insistence. Means my own insecurities make me irrational and narrow minded, and sometimes my mother and brother have to help me to think logically in the decisions I make. It also shows the extent to which I depend on them. The fact that I shut somebody else out by accident means that my insecurities and my lost in vitality and spontaneity and an overall interest in life is sabotaging or handicapping my ability to see and accept opportunities and human relationships that will be meaningful to my life. This is also stunting my spiritual growth and my ability to discover my inner self. I am blocking my own progress. It also speaks again to the fact that I am shutting people out and trying to kill or shut away very critical aspects of myself. In eventually using a golden key to lock the door and failing a couple times before succeeding. Means I try very hard to deny myself access to golden opportunities as a result of my fear and insecurities distorting my perception of them and my constant sabotage of myself in this way will eventually stick if I continue to keep it up. The see through wall suggests that I know what my limitations and weaknesses are and am capable of conquering them if I act on doing so, as opposed to leaving it at seeing what they are.


Lessons/Message/Summary
The codependency between myself, brother, mother
Me leaning heavily on my mother for security issues
Shutting away myself from making meaningful relationships with family and close ones
My other issues to work on – disorganization and disorder in how I carry myself and do things; selfishness, insecurities, dependency all leading to narrow mindedness and a lack of self-reliancy and an inability to reach rational conclusions or make rational decisions for myself
Losing or shutting away my zest for life, my spontaneity, my physical and intellectual vigor, my passion and sexual appetite, My fear of these aspects of myself and my insecurities cause me to lose or shut them away
The above mentioned losses and my insecurities are causing me to handicap myself from seeing and accepting opportunities and meaningful relationships with others that will ultimately lead to spiritual growth
I know what my limitations and weaknesses are and I am capable of working on them I just need to act

It just came to me that the underground can also represent the subconscious the aspects of self that still havent been discovered. Neing afraid while hesitantly going down the stairs and being afraid to pick up the items on the steps, is talking about being afraid to latch on to opportunities that will lead to discovering those unknown aspects of myself and stunt spiritual growth. The same with the stairs leading down to the dark. The dark represent the unknown. The dream is telling me that I need to discover and explore those unknown aspects of myself before I can seek the light/spiritual growth. I am obviously tentative or afraid to do so, but the fact that I slowly push myself to, suggests that I am trying hard to overcome my fears, and although I move slowly I will eventually accomplish this feat.

Take your time and believe in yourself!!!

You can do it!!

Much thankss Marls You actually summed up my dreams perfectly with those statements. Crazy.  

Now I saw Sarah Jessica Parker at least three times today on tv. She was in a movie trailer, a cosmetics ad, and a movie. Crazy shit.

2:48 am on my post - 2+2=4; 4+4=8 crazy lol

I heard my name being called a lot today too very distinct. And I have been getting/seeing these aura like shapes again a lot. I see orbs and  shapes outlined. Usually in two main colours and in varying sizes.