you could have a point with the tiger aspect

Could the up and down stairs be an interplay between your conscious and unconscious being in a state of confusion?  Perhaps related in regards to what to show to Wes?  Perhaps fear to get away from the 'sexual / seductress' image of the tiger, that you are using as what you may unconsciously percieve as being the only desperate link with Wes because of his lack of interest in 'hutch' girls except on a drunken night (hence for sexual satisfaction)?

This would be the image of Colby, presenting yourself as an object for his pleasure and 'nothing more'.  But you want more than that so you are in a state of conflict and confusion about whether to be open and honest about who you truly are as well as the pure image you want to present to him?  You afraid of opening up to him 100% and showing him who you really are, afraid you will lose grip of that which is holding you too him (the tiger).  It is this fear that will eventually allow you to be consumed by the tiger if you don't show your true colours.

As an outsider, putting things in perspective, you want a loving relationship, not a physical relationship.  It is your fear of how he will react that is keeping you from him.  This is a fear you must overcome because if you do enter a loving relationship, he will find these things out eventually.  If not, you will become little more than that which you despise in the symbol of Colby - an object of lust.  You must overcome this fear and show him your true colours...

Don't ask me how to do that lol

well thank you for your input...gives me a lot to think about and process