Please excuse the following winding history of me and my ex but I feel the info is necessary in order for you to provide me with your best opinions on what's going on.

History:
I met this guy at a club back in my college days and we hit it off from the moment we set eyes on each other.  We were inseparable for the rest of that evening and we were soon meeting for lunch within a week.  We seemed to have alot of things in common and I had taken a particular interest in his well being as he was a diabetic.  I was always after him to make sure he took his insulin and watch his diet.  As he lived in a nearby town, we'd get together whenever possible on weekends.  Pretty soon he was telling me how much he loved me and that no matter what, there would always be a place for me in his heart.  I pretty much thought he was the sweetest guy I had ever met but I didn't take his affirmations of love toward me very seriously.  He was  gay after all.  Anyway, that didn't stop us from engaging in some serious smooching.  So I return home for summer break and keep in contact through snail mail.  Meanwhile he's writing me telling how much he loves and misses me.  Still I don't take it seriously.  When I return to school in the Fall the kissing sessions with him become more intense and he becomes very jealous when I'm out with him and other guys are around.  Well eventually, something had to give and our relationship went from being playful and platonic to sexual.  This lasted about 6 months.  Then out of the blue he tells me has a new boyfriend.  I was taken back at first but then I rationalized that I was still his best friend so his relationship with me was on a different plane than that with his new boyfriend.  I figured he could manage the two relationships but I was wrong.  He not only moved in with his new boyfriend but he also went back to hanging out with a group of friends that had consistently taken advantage of him.  So I was officially at the bottom of his social totem pole.   He had given me his new phone # but I always had to initiate the calls.  We never did anything together anymore.  Feeling like I was beginning to be more of a nuissance with my calling, I called him one last time begging him to tell to just go away so I would stop deluding myself.  He wouldn't do it.  I presume he didn't have the guts to hurt my feelings directly.  Out of frustration I hung up the phone.  By chance I ran into him and his bloodsucking buddies at a club a few weeks later.  I went up to him told him I would always love him but I would never bother him again.  I moved to a new part of town the very next day and I did what I could to cover my tracks.  I didn't want him to know where I lived or be able to get a hold of me.  I was trying to move on and it would have been too painful to know he could get a hold of me and still he chose not to.  I never saw him again.  It took me several years to get over him ( I guess I never fully acknowledged I had fallen in love with him.   Still don't know if he qualifies as an ex or what to call the relationship I had with him).  Told myself he was a flake and he had just been using me.  That was over 15 years ago.  I've been married now for about 10 years.

Dream:
I've dreamed about him once or twice recently (this past summer).  I wish I can remember the details but I know for sure it was him.  Other people are in my dream in the begining even maybe my husband but I can't be certain.   In the dream my ex takes my hands and looks at me intently with the most expressive eyes and biggest grin.  Then he takes me in his arms but its not in a platonic fashion.  It was definitely romantic.   I can't remember much else other than he's leading towards a couch/bed/room/hallway.  It gets really fuzzy then.  He's also wearing a hat.  He never wore hats when we hung out.  I remember waking up thinking why in the world am I dreaming of him after all these years.

Follow up info:
So for the past month I've been trying to dig up contact info on old friends and acquaintances.  Don't ask me why I was looking for info on my ex as I never had any intention of reconnecting with him.  I come to find out he's been dead for 5 years now.  Diabetes related.  Now I wonder if my dreams of him were visitations from him.  I did go and visit his gravesite hoping for closure but I'm not sure I've gotten any.

Any ideas on what this all means?
Wishful dreaming of him after all these years or a  possible visit from him? If so, why now 5 years after his death and how did he find me?

Really confused.  

It could be one of two things.

1. that he was a very important part of your life and that it subconscious is probably still thinking or missing him, or wondering what he is up to now.

2. since he has passed away he wants to remind you of all the times you had together, and how much you both cared for each other...

Maybe...

Thank you for your thoughts.  You're right,  he had been very special to me.  I had always been left wondering whether or not the feelings were mutual.

I guess I'm still a bit puzzled on the timing with everything.  I hadn't thought about him in years and years so I was quite taken back to have him suddenly appear in my dreams.  Once I discovered he had died, I started wondering if maybe he had come to me in my dreams so I could discover what had become of him.  What doesn't make sense is that it would be nearly 5 years before he would pop into my dreams.  I just found out about his passing 3 weeks ago and the 5th anniversary of his death is coming up on Nov 14.  Do dates somehow also come into play?

I must admit its brought back so many forgotten memories and I've been thinking about him constantly  since I learned of his passing but I can't say I've had any more dreams of him.  I kept hoping that "if' he had truely paid me a visit in my dreams before, he would come back to explain some things.  I'm just left with more questions.  The second theory on what's going on is comforting though.

It happened to me alot aswell. Though my ex didn't pass away but they say that the reason for dreaming about ex flames and lovers is because you miss the attention and comfort you got from that love/fling/flame. So it is actually just that you lack attention or love in you life. Would you say this make sense?

Thanx Imagen.
Hmm.............. very interesting.   I can see how that can be true.  All my love interests have been very different from one another.  So perhaps subconsciously I've been comparing my husband to this particular ex.  I would definitely describe them as complete opposites in every sense of the word; physically, mentally and emotionally.