i had this dream it about the day i got kicked out. but it went
totally different from what really happened. me and my mother had an
argument like the one i had with her the day i got kicked out. but
this time i could control my anger. i beat her up until i got
tired.then she got up and got a gun. she said she was going to go
take a shower, but when she got out she was going to shoot me. i ran
out of the house trying to go to any neighbors house to call the
police. but i felt like i was being chased and they worked for my
mother. the first apartment i went to was open. i asked the guy if i
could use the phone and he said yes, but i couldn't find it.then a
helicopter showed up and started shooting through the window,i ran
out the back door.i went into another house but no one was there.
then i ran because i didn't want my mother to find me.i tried to see
if anyone would help me but they didn't, it was like i never even
said a word. so i went home, my mother wasn't there.then my sister
told me to go to my room, she kept tying to get me to look in my
drawers. i did, my acceptance letter to college was in there. and a
letter telling me who my father was. then my mother came into my
room with this sad look on her face and tried to hug me.

i don't know what this means, but i want to find out.


its hard to cope
at 16,i have  to deal with a drug addiction and alcohol
. thank goddess i got back to "normal".but me being the person
i am i'll be by her side on her death bed still. it shocks her how i
can be so nice, but i'm not that forgiving to tell her i forgive
her. can somebody help. i'm at my wits end.



i can't stand any of this i just need someone to talk to.

-jools

Hi Aubrey

I'd LOVE to help you!!!!  

I don't know how to interpret your dream hun....  

But I do know how it feels to be young and kicked
out of the house .....  Happened to  me too!  

I was turfed out because I was a rebel... but I don't
think that is what happened to you.  

I'd talk to you... anytime.  PM me what is a good time
for you.


P E A C E
Evie

hi, thanks for your concern!  no ones ever shown me that, i just happened to not be able to sleep and check my mail. i guess that was a good thing.
the day i was kicked out so was my sister.my mother has always had a problem with taking care of her kids because she has put men first always.shes always told me she never wanted kids,but having six and not taking care of them is beyond me.    she'd leave us all the time at home by ourselves for months with nothing. and as a kid i didn't understand but now i do, and its worst then i thought.but now i'm living with a sister that is just like her. i have no choice but to do what ever she says cause its the only place i can go. but i'm not discouraged, because shcool is what i'm good at and being at the top of my class is too.maybe your talking to the worlds greatest pathologist!(thats kinda weird but i want to do that, and history!) and i have problems with friends because i have the feeling that because i was let down all my life that it'll happen again.but thats not the case here, because i have the best 3 friends the world can buy!    even though i don't let them in all the way, i'm getting there.

its good i finally found some one to share all this with! thanks, jools

Hi Jools!

I have tears in my eyes as I read this... Oh you poor thing...  (((HUG))) Your life has been such hard work, unbelievably hard.   No one should have to grow up feeling abandoned like this!!!!    Yet many do. I know that you are not alone in this at all.  You have wonderful angels supporting you, at least I'd like to think this is true.  Through your sadness shines a VERY LOVING young lady.  

                                "Being the person I am I'll be by her side on her death bed still"

This speaks volumes about the person you are in your heart ... no wonder you dream of your Mother!!  You really do love her and want only for her to SEE who you are. I want you to know that  I feel very proud of you, already! You are a dedicated student. You want to be a Doctor.... Wow hun... you are SMART TOO.  I know that you are going to succeed...  no matter how difficult the journey.

You have already risen above... you kicked a couple of addictions...  right  in the butt!  This is tremendous... You   shine as an example... we all can learn from you hun!  There are many caring people here at Mystic Board... You have arrived at the right place. It feels 'family-ish' here, I think you will feel cozy, comfy, warm and fuzzy here.  There are motherly types ... and young people your age too. We even have a Grandpa! He is funny. We will ALL support and encourage you...  

Very nice to meet you Jools. ... I feel you are a lovely young lady!!!!  I will pray for you ... and for your mother also... so that she may find her way. I don't know anything about your Mother or her life circumstances... seems like she's been missing out on feeling loved too... and has been desperately seaching for 'something' as well. Maybe it is not too late for her to see the light.

Shine on Jools.... You are an angel!  

P E A C E
  and
L O V E
 
 Evie

Dear Aubrey,

I have read your dream and at first glance it seems like a Mother of a Nightmare....but then I looked closer and this is what I found....

i had this dream it about the day i got kicked out. but it went totally different from what really happened.

This sentence is very important, because it means that your subconscious has played the real event over in your mind, trying to look for a different way it could all have turned out....and apparently it found a different way it could all have happened.  

This is a lesson you have learned, and next time if you are in a similar situation, you will be able to draw on this information and make the outcome different from what happened to you before....

me and my mother had an argument like the one i had with her the day i got kicked out. but this time i could control my anger. i beat her up until i got tired.

Before I tell you what I feel here, remember your subconscious uses what we call 'puns' or similarities in order to try and make sense of everything, and since the subconscious works mostly in pictures, sometimes these pictures translate to words in our conscious minds....  Now....

You could control your anger....that is a very good sign, it means you have learnt from the actual situation and you have grown in maturity...because you controlled yourself, you were also therefore able to control the situation.  

(One cannot control a situation unless one is able to control onesself.)

You beating her up, here means to me that you were verbally her superior, and you were pointing things (probably truths) out to her that she couldn't stand hearing....  

You were 'beating' her at her own game, probably letting her understand that any argument she is throwing at you, is not valid, and that she was just as guilty as you for your situation coming to this....

then she got up and got a gun. she said she was going to go take a shower, but when she got out she was going to shoot me.

If she really wanted to shoot you in the dream, she would have done it straight away.  

She was bluffing about wanting to shoot you in your dream, because underneath it all she loves you and it's hurting her terribly to admit that and come to terms with it.....

She knows that whatever happened she was as guilty for this situation as anyone else, but still she tried to gain control by threatening you, because it was too hard for her to admit that she was a part of the problem....  

You remember the saying of the old Wild West...The guy with the gun is the Law?  

She mentioned that she was going to take a shower...but that was an attempt to wash her guilt away and give you the chance to 'escape' since she didn't really want to hurt you but couldn't continue facing you and the truth you forced her to see....  

She hoped you would become so scared that you would leave before she came out of the shower, so you wouldn't call her bluff since she couldn't bear confronting you again.  

(You exposed her guilt, but at no time was she ever a real threat.  If she was, your dream would have ended in her shooting you BEFORE she went to take a shower.)

i ran out of the house trying to go to any neighbors house to call the police. but i felt like i was being chased and they worked for my
mother.

You have discussed your problem with other people before in reality, but due to their reactions you have come to the conclusion that your mother 'had gotten to them first' and they find her side of the story more believable.

the first apartment i went to was open. i asked the guy if i could use the phone and he said yes, but i couldn't find it.then a
helicopter showed up and started shooting through the window,i ran out the back door.i went into another house but no one was there.
then i ran because i didn't want my mother to find me.i tried to see if anyone would help me but they didn't, it was like i never even
said a word.

Perhaps you came across as too melodramatic to others whom you have complained to in reality..., and they therefore 'pretended' to offer help...(the telephone), just for peace's sake, but it was all hollow since they didn't take you serious...they basically ignored you (you said it was like you didn't even say a word)

As for the helicopter, you also feel that you are being watched and monitored and they are 'shooting' at you, meaning targeting you as the culprit in this whole tragedy. You feel vulnerable and exposed...nowhere to 'hide'..... Many people try to focus blame one someone else, or 'target' someone else because that take the attention away from them...and you feel victimised by just such a thing...

so i went home, my mother wasn't there.

That just shows she was not serious about 'shooting' you, she needed time herself to 'escape', since she didn't want to face you and the truth you spoke.  It was too painful for her...

then my sister told me to go to my room, she kept tying to get me to look in my drawers. i did, my acceptance letter to college was in there. and a
letter telling me who my father was. then my mother came into my room with this sad look on her face and tried to hug me.

Your sister in this dream is on your side, and she instead of targeting you and blaming you...is trying to show you how to get out of this terrible situation and take control of your life.  She is showing you the way upwards and how to become a person in your own right, taking charge of your life by studying and gaining knowledge since knowledge is your ticket out of this mess.  

Your mother is regretting her impulsive actions and her drastic behaviour...and it seems that somehow there is information about your father.  Who has it I dont' know, but I feel there is a good chance for you to actually find out.

i don't know what this means, but i want to find out.

I feel there is a chance for you to reconcile with your mother.  My suggestion is that you both together go and see a therapist who can then put things into perspective.  The bottom line here is NO MATTER what happened to you before....YOU and ONLY YOU are in charge of your life's choices.  You can choose to sit in misery and blame everyone else for your situation...(it won't be wrong, but it would bring you nowhere)...you could take revenge...and in the process kill your own soul...OR you could take the lessons life has taught you and make the conscious descission that you are going to take charge of your life and turn it around INSPITE of others...  That's what I did...  If you feel up to it, you can read my Life Story on my blog.  It is called Pandora's Box...and I think you will be able to relate to a lot of that, and perhaps find some hope and strength in there waiting for you....

Understand that no one is completely guilty...and no one is completely innocent.  You have to take charge.... And sweetheart....forgive her, not because you feel she deserves it...you probably don't...but because both of you need closure...  It is wasted energy which feeds bitterness...but forgiving is turning away from the tragedy and walking towards a rainbow...

love and A BRIGHT RAINBOW, especially for you

Raka