ok - so...

looking at this more i can see what others have suggested as meanings...

but let us explore...

1. You are on your front porch.

Porch is your openness to a situation or to people.  Whatever happens here becomes public.  Here your step-brother smokes a pipe you light for him...  were you also smoking the pipe?  Have you done any drugs recently?  Are you hiding that you are doing drugs for shame that this is the road you should know not to go down because of the destruction it has caused?  

Or- if not - then this is a clear indication of some other self destructive force or openness to self-destruction (as "self" is the home..) I do not mean this says you destroyed yourself - it means you are open to self destructive behavior or thoguhts or even the destructive influence of another or others right now...  

Could someone new be in your life?  Is he or she a bad influence?  Or are they good and you know this but you can't relate to them because of your inner turmoil or your secret self destruction... is it not so secret?  Do you kid yourself to think people don't know the lies you tell them or yourself?  

2.  So you light the pipe and -poof- something explodes... the events seem unrelated.  I read it and thought a powder keg erupted but the way it happened was like a simultaneous explosion... as if the negative force of the intruder in the back door made this happen and all you had to do was be convinced to light a spark....

Are you being manipulated into ways of thinking?

Or are you blaming others for things you are angry about?  The things you anger about could be not the fault of anyone, you know?  Or they could be a mixture of things that came together in an unfortunate way... but the figure in your back hallway of your stepfather seems to signify a direct link... him to your subconscious fears....

3.  The explosion -  You light something and an unexpected explosion occurs... did you feel you did it?  If so is there part of your life you want to destroy?  I don't know - it seems that you say your stepfather did this so do you see him as the person who has destroyed the foundation and inner subconscious of your life?  Have you seen him to be the person who put a crack into the foundation of who you are?  Do you blame him for self destruction you now live in?

4.  Himslr - still not sure who this means - but if it is who I looked up - how do you see this figure to have impacted your home country?  More importantly - if this is who I looked up then here you see two neighboring countries with an intimate historical past whose relationship becomes affected by this politcal figure in a way that escalates aggression... do you blame your stepfather for the aggressive nature your step family has taken toward you or do you feel aggressive toward them?  Depends how you see this person you reference here...

5.  Ok... now... so i looked back and saw you wrote that a gateway blew up and not a direct explosion started by tony but its as if he set it up to happen that way... ok i dont know the events surrounding your mothers death - but i do know it was very recent.  you must feel angry, sad, and a number of other emotions...  

But let us look more - so what is interesting is you were unharmed in the explosion but your house was - notably the back of the house... (your subconscious, psyche and foundation - as in the past how you were raised etc...)  

6.  So, you examine the damage - there are big gaping holes... the holes may represent instability in the foundation you were raised before this Tony was a factor... but soon he pops into the dream... says come with him to pick up your mother, you are going to drive or do for a minute.  So I ask, was Tony trying to help but only hurt the situation?  Do you feel somehow that you are to blame too?  If so, or if people make you feel as if this is so, then please consult someone to talk to this about like a therapist or a wise woman who knows nothing of your past and is only willing to listen objectively... you need a voice of reason to help you heal and where you can cry.  Everyone feels guilty when someone they love dies... I hope you do not...

7.  So here come your step relatives.  They seem nosy... are they butting into the picture now that disaster has struck?  Do they say things like "I told you so?"  as if they want to make sure you know they did not approve of things that were going on from the beginning but now they are here to do their duty and pick up the mess that happened... don't let their thoughts and words make you feel guilty or bad.  If they are negative to you it is good you broke away from their voices...

8.  You look with them to see the damage some more... you note a long crack all the way down the hallway like you didnt see it the first time you looked at the damage after it happened... so again I see you looking at your past from a NEW perspective in the future (front of house) and with more objectivity (after the fact and after leaving house and re-entering) and i see you looking at it from a different perspective.  This dream is encouraging you to revisit this trauma in order to heal.. like it is saying "what cracks or inconsistencies were there in your upbringing or the years before this trauma that were not good but were easiest to deal with if they were not addressed and simply ignored..?"   There were problems, yes... and they were not your fault - and if they were anothers fault - then there were cracks in theirs as well - and it is up to you to heal yourself because you can...

9.  The toilet... yes i agree a positive image... in a way...

because the toilet urges you to rid yourself of your emotional trauma - still standing says you can do this - the toilet still works... in fact you want to.  Maybe you have always wanted to get the troubles and problems out and talk and you feared it because you had to be very careful... careful not to either: a. upset balance of a very unstable situation or b. fall into the abyss yourself...

but here in the dream your subconscious tells you - you can still use it if you are careful...

and maybe it says - you can still heal yourself and carefully rid yourself of the emotional burdens you carry and desire to get rid of...

10.  On a final note I should mention there are cracks in the way, no?  Make sure that if you are frustrated in some way from ridding yourself of these burdens that it is not because you are psychologically avoiding them by a. lies and denial you tell yourself and/or others  b. subconscious fears or guilt or emotions that never got addressed before so now they act out in anger and take it out on yourself by putting yourself in the exact danger that the lessons at hand would teach you to stay away from...

and 11.... if this is the case then those cracks and that toilet are also saying something negative at the same time.  they show you that you are in denial that if you take the same risks you have seen can lead to destruction that if you are just careful about it then you wont fall into the abyss and cracks that surround the toilet... but this is only the case if you go there to release emotions in a negative way - like through escapism methods of drugs or denial

another quick note: 12.  the step-brother with crack pipe - he could represent some new person in your life... maybe i mentioned a bit above - just be sure you or anyone else is not influencing you right now because you need to make your own decisions now.  and you do need love so accept the positive help of people who you know love you and care about you and please talk to someone about all of this... you need to rid yourself of the negative feeling - and to do that it is scary because it means you have to feel it and become aware of the truths of it...  and then... you can release them...

i hope this has helped... please let me know if there are any more pieces of information you have for me that i can maybe help you with.  

my dear girl, i am so sorry for your loss :'-(  

i am very sad for you and i hope that you find peace - truly, I am going to say a prayer for you... and i will continue to pray for you

Wow! You have told me my whole life in just a few paragraphs.

In reply to the part about the pipe...no I have not done any drugs in over 5 years. I am thinking that it may be more of the self destructive thing. I hold a lot of guilt for what happened. I feel that I could have and should have done something. There is a part of my life I would like to desroy. The part when everything happened. I wish I could because I don't like feeling the pain. I wish I could find a way to get rid of the pain but I know that can not happen. Himslr: this is where I mested up typing. I was refering to my step father. Tony was always a factor. He came into my life when I was 2 and was the only father figure I have ever had. I always called him dad and felt as if he was my dad. I do feel that it is somehow my fault. I should have seen some kind of warning signs. I dont believe it is others making me feel this way. I think it is more myself making me feel like that. They have never said "I told you so" but Tony's mother did tell me that "it was all my mom fault and she made him do it" the day after it happened. His family never liked my mom. They accepted her because they had to but they are all happy she is gone. My step sister even told one of my friends that "she got what she deserved".

You said you are not sure of the story behind my moms death. I can tell you. On October 4th Tony hit my mom in the head with a brass candle stick holder and broke her neck. She was sleeping when it happened. He hit her 3 times. Then at about 9am when her work was calling everywhere to find her, Tony's father and daughter went knocking on the door. They found him just as he had just taken a bunch of pills. He then threw them up. He went to the hospitol and stayed there for a few days until he was arrested. The police have been keeping me up to date on any new information. They have been very good to me. Tony was let out on a $50,000 bond the next day. He has been indicted by the grand jury. He is now waiting for the trial but that wont be until sometime in the fall. They have to wait for the phorinsics to come back. He has plead not guilty by reason of mental disease or defect.

Thank you. Everything has helped me in more ways than one.

i am so glad i helped

i am so sorry for all the circumstances surrounding the situation



somehow i sense a little bit of relief maybe... but in the sense that you *feel* yourself moving toward your own form of closure... in a sense i guess we can call it * healing *  

The closes with sensitive new skin covering which gives way to stronger skin where a scar is always the memory - it can still be seen freshly but the wound is no longer open now to possible outside infections that make it worse... my analogy means to say - you are relieved the worst is behind you...  

you have lived a lot for such a young age.  and thanks for the feedback it helps me understand and develop this intuitive helper healer thing i want to do

(ps - this full moon + total eclipse in virgo is a great time for healing:

if anyone is interested  see link - http://www.astrowisdom.com/thisfullmoon.htm)

Take care dear and please update if you any more dreams that you need help with

~ Renee

Thank you so much Renee. And by the way, that is my middle name! Coincident! I am finally starting to heal.

this makes me so glad!