About a few years ago I finally broke up with a person with whom I shared a pretty rough relationship. It was rough in the sense that it was constantly on and off, it was emotionally manipulative and abusive. Because it was my first love, I did not know how a real relationship should be. I know every couple goes through rough patches, but it should never be cruel. Because I loved him so much and maybe in the end, I got so attached, it was hard for me to leave especially after 3 years of knowing him. In the end, my health was so degraded that I just could not take it anymore. Something had to be done. I was constantly anxious, insecure, and my heart chakra and solar plexus were in so much pain. Well, we broke up. I was devastated in the beginning. But then I started to slowly move on. However, he kept contacting me although I told him to at least do that, leave me alone. He had no respect toward me even when he knew I suffered so much and was still suffering. Then he stopped. I was feeling much better, my chakras began to heal, I even thought I found myself at last. For a few months, I was happy, energetic, and passionate about life.

Then I met someone else. It was going pretty smoothly at first. However, the relationship did not last very long. At one point, I remember my heart chakra and my solar plexus started hurting again, except far worse than before, as if they were trying to tell me something. I ignored the calling, which I regret now. The relationship did not last very long. First of all, we were a mismatch sexually, which really hurt my genital organs (I already have problems in that area). And no matter how hard I tried to be patient and tell him to be more gentle, he did not pay heed and sexually, it was not pleasurable. Likewise, we had a few conflicts, where our values and beliefs seemed to have gone astray. And I imagined him dominating me in the future, because he has this view that men should be breadwinners and decision-makers, while women should be in the kitchen and shut their mouths about everything. He didn't tell me blatantly, but I felt it and by the way he implied things and the things he did. I just could not take it anymore. I was in so much pain (again heart chakra and solar plexus), that the only relief was to break up. And I felt better. But I was so devastated again even though the relationship did not last very long. My health was in very bad shape. My back started hurting (because of my emotional hurt and because I was constantly studying sitting crooked). I tried going to gym and doing yoga, but it did me far worse than it did me good. And I just did not know who I was anymore. Life seemed dull.

After a while, summer came. I was trying to go out more and do the things I enjoyed, but I always felt afraid, because at the same time, I was having trouble with my parents. It felt like they wanted to control me and deprive me of being able to be with friends, do things I love, do activities I enjoy. They wanted me constantly in the house and told me I am so scattered and unfulfilled that I need to go out all the time. But I wasn't even going out so much. Besides, it was summer and I had no job. I wanted to enjoy the weather and the company of my friends. It's not like I am a bad girl. I helped my parents out a lot and spent time with them. It was hurting me emotionally, hence again my chakras were touched by my sensitivity to conflicts.

At some point in the summer, I met a person with whom I am currently. He is a wonderful guy. It seems that in many aspects, we really match and the differences we have, we accept. It seems like a serious relationship this time. However, sometimes we would have conflicts, which I would take so much to heart that my pain would rise again and I would get negative thoughts about the relationship although overall, it is a good relationship and there are no reasons to break up. I just tend to focus on the details, think about them too much, analyze them, have so many questions running through my head even though it is just silly things. I know I want to be with him, but it is so hard to heal when I did not have the time to properly heal in the intervals, which is why some weeks I can feel fabulous, but when something bad happens (even if it is small), I start feeling bad and insecure (again chakras hurt). And it's a never ending cycle. But I want to be with this person although the healing process would probably take me a long time knowing how sensible I am to conflicts, new things out of my comfort zone, and energy. Sometimes I feel like I have got it, I finally master the presency and find the source in me. And then I lose touch with me and start feeling horrible again and in pain.

So my question is if anyone could guide me somehow? I don't give up. I am constantly trying to do all I can and read a lot of books, which help me a little bit. I just need a little bit of guidance on how to heal my chakras, on how to find myself, on how to find inner peace.

Thank you so much! All my blessings to you all.

Thanks koudelinka for being courageous enough to share your experience. The first causes for your sufferings I see are karma-related and also you need a deep cellular, chakras cleansing and repair, and then changing the mindset to let go of the past failures. You say you do not give up and I honor that, because deep down you know you are MORE than what you are currently going through, you are MORE than your body, your sufferings, your emotions, etc. At this point, I can only direct you to receive guidance and further help from a friend, Eve Sophia. You can receive healings from her, she has entered her 10th year of healing others and has given more than 69000 free health/soul checkups.

If you do not mind, you can reach her at: karmahealingangels@yahoo.com

Hope this helps.

Thank you so much! I will definitely write to her!