Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Sat Jul 10, 2010 3:04 pm

Jokes

The Greatest Benefits of Being Over 40

- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

- People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

- You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

- You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

- You sing along with elevator music.

- Your eyes won't get much worse.

- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

- You can't remember who sent you this list.

Necessary Information for the 40-and-older crowd

- If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

- For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

- Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

- It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

Father is a lawyer...

While in Atlanta on vacation, Little Johnny's Daddy took one afternoon to see historic sites downtown.

Two young families were also in line to the see the sites. Little Johnny struck up a conversation with one of the boys in line.

"My name is Tommy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Johnny".

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Pop do for a living?" asked Tommy.

Little Johnny replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Tommy.

Johnny replied, "No, just the regular kind."

Bubba and Billy Bob

While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle.

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

Billy Bob won 1st place; a years supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra long spaghetti.

Bubba won 6th prize; a toilet brush.

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied, "Great!, I love spaghetti!"

Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush? "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."