Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 9:41 am

Jokes

Stay!

I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the Super Wal-Mart Shopping Center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me?" "Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty blond young lady, gave me a strange look and said,

"Why don't you just put it in park?"

Yoga

A young woman was worried about her stress-related habit of biting her fingernails down to the quick, so her friend advised her to take up yoga. She did, and soon her finger- nails were growing normally.

Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her nervous- ness. "No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I bite them instead."

Balancing Checkbook

My accountant father and my artist mother have very different views on balancing a checkbook.

Mom usually kept the checkbook, but when Dad retired, he took over all the financial duties. He was really taken aback when he looked over the checkbook and found only dollar amounts recorded.

It seems Mom hadn't wanted to deal with any more math than she had to, so she'd eliminated the cents from every check. She'd round up if the partial dollar amounts were 50 cents or more and drop those under 50 cents.

Dad feverishly went through stacks of canceled checks and registers, trying to correct her method.

The difference in seven years of dollars only?

... Sixteen cents...

Prankster Gets Married

Bill had always been a prankster. As each of his friends were married, Bill made sure some type of practical joke was played upon them. Now ready to be married himself, he was dreading the payback he knew was coming.

Surprisingly, the ceremony went off without a hitch. No one stood up during the pause to offer a reason 'why this couple should not be married'. His reception wasn't dis- rupted by streakers or smoke-bombs, and the car the couple was to take on their honeymoon was in perfect working order.

When the couple arrived at their hotel and entered the room, Bill even checked for cornflakes in the bed (a gag he had always loved). Nothing, it seemed, was amiss. Satisfied that he had come away unscathed, the couple fell into bed.

Upon waking, the couple was ravenous so Bill called down to room service and asked, "I'd like to order breakfast for two."

At that moment, a soft voice from under the bed said, "Make that five."

Posts: 26 · Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 9:30 pm

The first testicular guard (or "cup") was used in hockey in 1874.

The first helmet was used in hockey in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize the brain is also important.

Posts: 52 · Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 6:21 pm

You should compile all your jokes into a book.. Nice compilation.

Posts: 869 · Posted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 4:48 am

ya, the jokes are really awesome. do you create them yourself or they come from just random sources?

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Thu Dec 30, 2010 2:57 pm

Dear friend,

Thanks for your liking of these jokes. I daily do get them from random sources , and sharing here with all of U. Sorry I was not able to post them continuously from many days , due to my travel to USA and back.

Regards,