Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Fri Apr 16, 2010 11:51 am

Jokes

Art Supplies

I used to work in an art supply store. We sold artists' canvas by the yard, and you could get it in either of two widths: 36 inches or 48 inches.

Customer: "Can you please cut some canvas for me?"

Me: "Certainly, what width?"

Customer: (confused and slightly annoyed) "Scissors?"

School Lunch

Little Johnny, after being expelled from his latest school, was enrolled in a Catholic School. On his first day in the new school, he went to the cafeteria for lunch. The children were lined up patiently getting their lunches.

At the head of the serving line was a large pile of apples. One of the nuns made a note that said: "Take only one, God is watching."

Seeing this Little Johnny made a note of his own and placed it at the other end of the serving line, in front of a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.

Little Johnny's note said: "Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

Paying Bills

My wife and I, both graduate students, recently celebrated the arrival of our first child. At my wife's insistence, we had paid our entire medical bill and were now worried about meeting other payments.

We were discussing our sad financial situation one evening when our son demanded a diaper change.

As my wife leaned over the baby's crib, I heard her mutter, "The only thing in the house that's paid for, and it leaks."

If College Students Wrote the Bible

* The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.

* The Ten Commandments would actually be only five; double spaced and written in large font.

* A new edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.

* Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.

* Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's E-mail to abuse@romans.gov.

* Reason Cain killed Abel; they were roommates.

* Reason why Moses and followers walked the desert for 40 years; they didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.

* Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, he would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

Posts: 52 · Posted: Wed Oct 20, 2010 3:45 pm

College, oh yeah.