Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Fri Apr 09, 2010 9:16 am

Jokes

If Men Got Pregnant...

Maternity leave would last for two years...with full pay.

There'd be a cure for stretch marks.

Natural childbirth would become obsolete.

Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.

All methods of birth control would be improved 100 percent effectiveness.

Children would be kept in the hospital until they were toilet trained.

Men would be EAGER to talk about commitment.

They wouldn't think twins were quite so cute.

Fathers would demand that their SONS be home from dates by 10:00pm.

Men could use THEIR briefcases as diaper bags.

They'd have to stop saying, "I'm afraid I'll drop him."

Paternity suits would be a line of clothes.

They'd stay in bed for the entire nine months.

Menus at most restaurants would list ice cream and pickles as an entree.

My Husband

When the power mower was broken and wouldn't run. I kept hinting to my husband that he ought to get it fixed, but somehow the message never sank in.

Finally, though, I thought of a clever way to make my point.

When my husband arrived home that day, he found me seated out in the yard in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

He watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. He was gone only a few moments, when he came out again he handed me a toothbrush.

"When you finish cutting the grass," he said, "you might as well sweep the sidewalk too."

The doctors say he will probably live, but I can guarantee you, it will be quite a while before those casts come off!"

Dog Washing

A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner Mom & Pop grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do.

"Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."

"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog. It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him."

But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his dog.

About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his dog was doing.

"Oh, he died," the boy said.

The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the dog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."

"Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him."

"Oh? What was it then?"

"I think it was the spin cycle!"

Information

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex.

The personnel office sent this reply...

"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."