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prasanna
Age: 49 Zodiac: 
| Joined: 20 Feb 2008 |
| Posts: 4397 |
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Location: DUBAI, Los Angeles, Chennai
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 Posted: Wed Mar 24, 2010 10:59 am |
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Jokes
Fast Old Ladies
Sitting on the highway waiting to catch speeders, a state police officer saw a car puttering along at 22 M.P.H. He thinks to himself, that car is just as dangerous as a speeder. So, he turns his lights on and pulls the car over. Approaching the car, he notices there are 5 old ladies, two at the front and 3 at the back, wide eyed and looking like ghosts.
The driver obviously confused said,"Officer, I don't understand, I wasn't doing over the speed limit!, What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer said, "you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous". "Slower than the speed limit? NO SIR! I was doing exactly 22 miles an hour", the old woman said proudly.
The officer containing a chuckle explains that 22 was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned, thanking the officer for pointing out her error. "Before I go Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone OK?
These women seem badly shaken and haven't uttered a word all this time" "Oh! they will be alright in a minute, Officer, we just got off Route 142."
Cat Dictionary
-- Aquarium: interactive television for cats.
-- Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat's life.
-- Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.
-- Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.
-- Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.
-- Dog: a cat's device for running practice.
-- Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.
Eating Strawberries
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A child playing in front of his house saw him and called, "What are you hauling?"
"Fertilizer," the farmer replied.
"What are you going to do with it?" asked the child.
"Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer.
"You ought to live here," the child advised him.
"We put sugar and cream on them."
Thoughts to Ponder
Do not eat natural foods. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
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Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
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The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
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Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
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There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
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An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
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If quitters never win and winners never quit, then who is the fool who said, "Quit while you're ahead?"
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Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
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The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
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Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
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Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
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Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
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Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
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All of us could take a lesson from the weather; it pays no attention to criticism.
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Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
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In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
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How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
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