Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Fri Mar 19, 2010 5:36 am

Jokes

Undocumented Windows Errors, Part I

*WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger

*WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet

*WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file

*WinErr: 004 Erroneous error - Nothing is wrong

*WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused

*WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Disk view found on drive

*WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadequate money spent on hardware

*WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments

*WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - No one knows what has happened

*WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full

*WinErr: 00B Inadequate disk space - Free at least 500MB

*WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!

*WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside

*WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside

*WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened

*WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our developers

*WinErr: 011 Window open - Do not look outside

*WinErr: 012 Window closed - Do not look inside

*WinErr: 013 Unexpected error - Huh ?

*WinErr: 014 Keyboard locked - Try anything you can think of.

*WinErr: 018 Unrecoverable error - System has been destroyed.

Buy a new one. Old windows licence is not valid anymore.

*WinErr: 019 User error - Not our fault. Is Not! Is Not!

Undocumented Windows Errors, Part II

http://www.arcamax.com/cgi-bin/news/story/0/23613/508022 for Part I.

*WinErr: 01A Operating system overwritten - Please reinstall all your software. We are terribly sorry.

*WinErr: 01B Illegal error - You are not allowed to get this error. Next time you will get a penalty for that

*WinErr: 01C Uncertainty error - Uncertainty may be inadequate.

*WinErr: 01D System crash - We are unable to figure out our own code.

*WinErr: 01E Timing error - Please wait. And wait. And wait. And wait.

*WinErr: 01F Reserved for future mistakes of our developers

*WinErr: 020 Error recording error codes - Remaining errors will be lost.

*WinErr: 042 Virus error - A virus has been activated in a dos- box. The virus, however, requires Windows. All tasks will automatically be closed and the virus will be activated again.

*WinErr: 079 Mouse not found - A mouse driver has not been installed. Please click the left mouse button to continue.

*WinErr: 103 Error buffer overflow - Too many errors encountered. Next errors will not be displayed or recorded.

*WinErr: 678 This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

*WinErr: 683 Time out error - Operator fell asleep while waiting for the system to complete boot procedure

*WinErr: 815 Insufficient Memory - Only 580,312,583 Bytes available

Driving Lesson

I had given our daughter, who was 15 at the time, a drivers manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready when it came time to get her driver's permit.

"Oh," she said, "I already know everything in the book."

"You do?" I returned.

"Yep", she said, very smugly.

I thought, "OK, we'll just see about that. I'll give her a hard one."

So I asked her, "How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?"

"One," she replied.

"What?" I asked. "One?!"

She repeated her answer and then because of the confused look on my face, she added. . .

"Only one, Mom. You always told me never to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."

Shopping

While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband.

When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped at first, then her face brightened. She held up her hands, forming a circle with her forefingers and thumbs.

"I don't know his size," she said, "but my hands fit per- fectly around his neck."