Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 5:26 pm

Jokes

Marriage Vows

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband."

And she said, "I do."

Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."

Night Watchman

A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.

Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing.

Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.

"I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away."

The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him.

The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard's checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.

Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to his supervisor.

He walked into the supervisor's office and before he could say a word, the boss said, "You're fired!"

"Fired?" he asked in total surprise. "Why? What did I do?"

"It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you're fired."

"Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard."

"Oh, really," the boss answered. "Then how do you account for the fact that there are 365 wheelbarrows missing?"

Funny Business signs

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
"LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR."

Doctors office, Rome:
"SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

In a Nairobi restaurant:
"CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER."

On an Athi River highway: this is the main road to Mombasa, leaving Nairobi.
"TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE."

On a poster at Kencom:
"ARE YOU AN ADULT THAT CANNOT READ? IF SO, WE CAN HELP."

In a City restaurant:
"OPEN SEVEN DAYS A WEEK AND WEEKENDS."

A sign seen on an automatic restroom hand dryer:
"DO NOT ACTIVATE WITH WET HANDS."

In a cemetery:
"PERSONS ARE PROHIBITED FROM PICKING FLOWERS FROM ANY BUT THEIR OWN GRAVES."

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
"OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR."

Charity

A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum."

"You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?"

"Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He said, 'Thanks.'"