Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Sun Mar 14, 2010 7:14 am

Jokes

New Book Titles

Here's a listing of some recently-published "new books" & their author....

- "How to Write Large Books" by Warren Peace

- "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff

- "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow

- "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty

- "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel

- "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent

- "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate

- "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down

- "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung

- "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago

- "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud

- "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter

- "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples

- "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath

- "Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch

- "Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First

Express Lane

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Advertising

Ernest Shackleton's recruiting advertisement for his 1912 Imperial Trans-Antarctic Expedition:

"Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long months of complete darkness, constant danger, safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in case of success."

If Shackleton were advertising in the 2000's:

"Members wanted for adventure trek. Low cost, cool sights, lots fun nights, thrills galore, insurance available. Get your picture in Outdoor magazine."

Lawyer VS. Insurance

This is the best lawyer story of the year, decade, and probably the century. A Charlotte, NC, lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars,: then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued .. and won!

In delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The Judge stated, nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable fire, and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine.

This is a true story and was the 1st place winner in the recent Criminal Lawyers Award Contest.