Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Wed Mar 10, 2010 5:00 am

Jokes

Choking

When the wealthy businessman choked on a fish bone at a restaurant, he was fortunate that a doctor was seated at a nearby table.

Springing up, the doctor skillfully removed the bone and saved his life.

As soon as the fellow had calmed himself and could talk again, he thanked the surgeon enthusiastically and offered to pay him for his services.

"Just name the fee," he croaked gratefully.

"Okay," replied the doctor. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?"

Real Signs and Advertisements

- Signs In a clothing store:
"Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

- In the window of an Oregon general store:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?"

- In a Pennsylvania cemetary:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

- On a Tennessee highway:
"Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

- From the safety information card in America WestAirline seat pocket:
"If you are sitting in an exit row and can not read this card, please tell a crew member."

- On a Maine shop:
"Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship."

- On a delicatessen wall:
"Our best is none too good."

Skeleton

I was helping a buddy of mine, who was an orthopedic surgeon, move to his new office, and using my car to help transport some of his office equipment.

I had decided to position his somewhat fragile display skeleton strapped into the back seat of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat...

At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became quite obvious. I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to a doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. and commented, "I hate to tell you, but I looks like you may be a bit too late!"

A Bear

I want to be a bear......

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup...... I want to be a bear!