Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Tue Feb 23, 2010 10:03 am

Jokes

Dogs And Computers: Same Or Different? Part I

-- Favorite Food

Dogs: kibbles

Computers: bits

-- Method used to end undesirable behavior

Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper

Computers: hit control-alt-delete

-- After destruction of personal property

Dogs: dog not found

Computers: file not found

-- Favorite trick

Dogs: roll over

Computers: play dead

-- Comic-page hero

Dogs: Dogbert

Computers: Dilbert

-- Fun way to mess with their heads

Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth

Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive

-- Consequence of virus

Dogs: replace valuable carpeting

Computers: replace valuable data

-- Widely ignored government mandate

Dogs: leash law

Computers: Communications Decency Act

Dogs And Computers: Same Or Different? Part II

-- Waste disposal tool

Dogs: pooper-scooper

Computers: uninstaller

-- Sensitive internal procedures

Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional

Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of like this once

-- Method of marking territory

Dogs: lifting leg

Computers: "Designed for Windows XP"

-- Unique behavior

Dogs: lick and drag

Computers: click-and-drag

-- Inexplicable physical feature

Dogs: declaw

Computers: scroll lock key

-- Estimated lifespan

Dogs: 12 years

Computers: 12 months

-- At end of useful life

Dogs: euthanasia

Computers: tax deduction

Games

As an assistant professor, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would usually take a break around eight, however, to play the strategy game Warcraft online with a teammate.

One night I was paired with a veteran of the game who was a master strategist. With him at the helm, our troops crushed one opponent after another, and after six games we were undefeated. Suddenly, my fearless leader informed me his mom wanted him to go to bed.

"How old are you?" I typed.

"Twelve," he replied. "How old are you?"

Feeling my face redden, I answered, "Ten."

New T.V.

A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day.

The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again.

When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads.

The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV.

When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.