Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Fri Feb 19, 2010 11:29 am

Jokes

Close Call

A Truck ran a red light, almost side swiping our car. As my husband veered away, he threw his arm across me, protecting me from a possible collision. I was ready to plant a big kiss on my hero's cheek when he apologized. In his haste, he admitted, he had forgotten it was me in the front seat and not our black Labrador, Checkers.

Dog Wisdom...

1) The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. -Anonymous

2) Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. -Ann Landers

3) If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. -Will Rogers

4) There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. -Ben Williams

5) A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. -Josh Billings

6) We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love we can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made. -M. Acklam

7) Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate. -Sigmund Freud

8) I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -Rita Rudner

9) A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. -Robert Benchley

10) Dogs need to sniff the ground; it's how they keep abreast of current events. The ground is a giant dog newspaper, containing all kinds of late-breaking dog news items, which, if they are especially urgent, are often continued in the next yard. -Dave Barry

11) Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. -Franklin P. Jones

12) If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. -Unknown

13) My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. -Joe Weinstein

14) Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -Anne Tyler

15) Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

16) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. -Groucho Marx

17) Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman. -Dave Miliman

18) If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man. -Mark Twain

19) Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole. -Roger Caras

20) If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them. -Phil Pastoret

21) My goal in life is to be as good a person as my dog already thinks I am. -- an OleHoss

Questions that need answers...

-- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

-- Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

-- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

-- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

-- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

-- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

-- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

-- Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

-- Stop singing and read on..

-- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

-- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?