Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 11:15 am

Jokes

Low Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. He passed a sign that said "low bridge ahead."

Before he knew it, the bridge was right ahead of him and he could not avoid getting stuck under the bridge. You could say that he got a "Truck Wedgie."

Cars were backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car pulled up. The cop got out of his car and walked around to the truck driver, put his hands on his hips and said, "Got stuck, huh?"

The gutsy truck driver said, "No officer, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas!"

Performance Review Terms

AVERAGE EMPLOYEE:
Not too bright.

EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Made no major blunders - yet.

ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Drinks a lot.

FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Spouse drinks, too.

CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the cops.

ZEALOUS ATTITUDE:
Opinionated.

QUICK THINKING:
Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.

CAREFUL THINKER:
Won't make a decision.

TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
Conceited.

PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.

FORCEFUL:
Argumentative.

AGGRESSIVE:
Obnoxious.

USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
Gets someone else to do it.

A KEEN ANALYST:
Thoroughly confused.

Terms from Performance Review

EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
Speak English.

CONSCIENTIOUS:
Scared.

METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nit picker.

HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:
Is tall or has a loud voice.

EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT:
Lucky.

KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows a lot of dirty jokes.

STRONG PRINCIPLES:
Stubborn.

CAREER MINDED:
Back Stabber.

COMING ALONG WELL:
About to be let go.

OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Gets to work on time.

RELAXED ATTITUDE:
Sleeps at desk.

EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:
Screws up often.

WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:
Too ugly to get a date.

INDEPENDENT WORKER:
Nobody knows what he/she does all day.

FORWARD THINKING:
Procrastinator.

GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:
Able to BS well.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Spends lots of time on phone.

LOYAL:
Can't get a job anywhere else.

What I don't do...

1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt.

2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me.

3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because .... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.

4. I don't disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders.

5. I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous.

6. I don't plant a garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer.

7. I don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again.

8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner.

9. I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press".

10. I don't stress much on anything because ...

"A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!!