Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Tue Jan 26, 2010 1:44 pm

Jokes

Living in Pennsylvania

-- If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Bradford is the coldest spot in the nation, you live in Pennsylvania.

-- If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you live in Pennsylvania.

-- If you walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you live in Pennsylvania.

and there's even more of these...

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Pennsylvanian when:

1. "Vacation" means going up north past I-80 for the weekend.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave all the doors unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost fall, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can discriminate between a "Lancaster" or an "Allentown" accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a concrete statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. It's shot up several times each hunt'n season...

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means West Virginia.

16. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his NEW FORD F150.

18. You go out to the big Howard Johnsons fish fry every Friday and bingo at the Catholic Church every Wednesday.

19. Your 4TH of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Pennsylvania friends! (Hee, hee!)

Jedi Masters

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes him- self a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master.

Poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself.

Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the FORKS, Luke."

In Court

My boss is without peer when it comes to the rules and regulations that customs officials must follow. But when it comes to the law, well, that's a different story.

We were attending a court case in which we were prosecuting a smuggler. The judge asked the court, "Who is making these allegations?"

My boss stood up and proclaimed, "I am the alligator, your honor."

Office Manager

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What's your name?" he asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look... I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only ... Smith, Jones, Baker ... That's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay John, the next thing I want to tell you is . . . "