Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Fri Jan 22, 2010 5:46 am

Jokes

Religion Explained

Sunday School students tell about the Bible:

-- St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.

-- Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone."

-- It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

-- The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

-- A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

-- The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

-- One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.

-- When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

-- St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.

Children's Flight

A stewardess was getting very annoyed by 3 little children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom and whatever else you could imagine a small child commenting and complaining about.

Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them to go play outside.

Medical Records

The following are actual medical records [supposedly] taken from patients' actual medical charts...

-- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

-- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

-- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

-- She is numb from her toes down.

-- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

-- The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

-- Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

-- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

-- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

Bad Time for a Blonde Joke

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, you should know five things:

1 - The bartender is a blonde girl.

2 - The bouncer is a blonde gal.

3 - I'm a 6-foot tall, 200-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4 - The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.

5 - The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."