Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Wed Jan 06, 2010 9:39 am

Jokes

Play on Words

-- How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It.

-- How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It.

-- How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path

-- What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam!

-- What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's

-- What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick

-- What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese.

-- What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses.

-- What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk.

-- What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite.

-- What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck.

-- Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.

Talent

A duck walks into a bar and orders a beer and a sandwich.

The bartender looks at him and says, "But you're a duck."

"I see your eyes are working," replies the duck.

"And you talk!" exclaims the bartender.

"I see your ears are working," says the duck, "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich, please?"

"Certainly," says the bartender, "sorry about that, it's just we don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road," explains the duck.

So the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, pays and leaves. This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town. The ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the bartender tells him about the incredible talking duck.

"Marvelous!" says the ringleader, "get him to come see me."

So the next day, the duck comes into the pub. The bartender says, "Hey, Mr Duck, I lined you up with a top job paying really good money!"

"Yeah?" says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

"At the circus" says the bartender.

"The circus?" the duck enquires.

"That's right," replies the bartender.

"The circus? That place with the big tent? With all the animals? With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle?" asks the duck.

"That's right!" says the bartender.

The duck looks confused and asks: "What the heck do they want with a plasterer?"

Connecting Flights

The fur began to fly when my fellow airplane passengers learned there was a chance they might miss their connecting flights out of Aspen.

When we finally landed, I found out just how nasty things got. Over the intercom, a harried flight attendant announced, "Those of you continuing on to L.A. please wait outside next to the boarding ramp and we will have a shuttle run you over."

The Short of a Story!

This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody.

There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.