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prasanna
Age: 49 Zodiac: 
| Joined: 20 Feb 2008 |
| Posts: 4397 |
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Location: DUBAI, Los Angeles, Chennai
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 Posted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:32 am |
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Jokes
Silent Treatment
Mike and Joan were having some problems at home and were giving each other the "silent treatment." But then Mike realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning drive with some pals to go golfing.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and so lose the 'war'), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00am."
The next morning, Mike woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 am and that his friends had left for the golf course without him. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It's 5:00 am. Wake up."
Men simply are not equipped for these kinds of contests
10 Features of The Company Car
-- Accelerates at a phenomenal rate.
-- Has a much shorter braking distance than the private car.
-- Can take speed humps at twice the speed of private cars.
-- The battery, radiator water, oil and tires never have to be checked.
-- It can be driven up to 60 miles with the oil warning light flashing.
-- It needs cleaning less often than private cars.
-- The suspension is reinforced to allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building material.
-- Unusual and alarming engine noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.
-- It needs no security system and may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.
-- It is especially sand and waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.
Expressions Explained
In George Washington's days, there were no cameras. One's image was either sculpted or painted. Some paintings of George Washington showed him standing behind a desk with one arm behind his back while others showed both legs and both arms.
Prices charged by painters were not based on how many people were to be painted, but by how many limbs were to be painted. Arms and legs are "limbs," therefore painting them would cost the buyer more.
Hence the expression, "Okay, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg."
End of the World Headlines
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?
USA Today: WE'RE DEAD
The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS
National Enquirer: JON AND KATE, TOGETHER AGAIN
Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE
Victoria's Secret Catalog: OUR FINAL SALE
Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER
Wired: THE LAST NEW THING
Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR
Readers Digest: 'BYE
Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?
Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS BY JUDGMENT DAY WITH OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!
America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING BACK IN 15 MINUTES.
Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE APOCALYPSE
TIME magazine: RENEW YOUR SUBSCRIPTION FOR ETERNITY
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