Jokes for the day., Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Mon Nov 30, 2009 5:27 am

Jokes

Show and Tell

Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations.

The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living."

I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms.

When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."

Internet Lingo

The language of the internet is full of shortcuts. Some, like LOL (laugh out loud) and KISS(keep It Simple Stupid) have gone mainstream. But new online lingo is always popping up.

AYPI: And Your Point Is?

AWGTHTGTTA: Are We Going to Have to Go Through This Again?

BEG: Big Evil Grin

HHO1/2 K: Ha HA, Only Half Kidding

TYCLO: Turn Your CAPS LOCK OFF!

Oops...

Finishing up our work at a trade show in San Diego, my co- worker Maureen and I decided to go sightseeing across the border in Tijuana, Mexico. While there, we went shopping and bought a few pieces of clay kitchenware.

As we crossed back into the United States, a customs official asked if we had anything of value to report.

"Not really," Maureen replied, digging in her bag for the bean crock she had purchased. Everyone around us froze as she continued, "I only bought a little pot."

Cooking Eggs

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful. CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful.

CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"

The wife stared at him. "What the heck is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"

The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."