Jokes for the day, Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Wed Jul 08, 2009 8:55 am

Jokes

A Hot Day

It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection.

Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.

When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid."

The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration.

At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor,I'm already here."

Actual Newspaper Headlines

- Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says

- Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers

- Saftey Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

- Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case

- Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents

- Farmer Bill Dies In House

- Iraqi Head Seeks Arms

- Is There A Ring Of Debris Around Uranus?

- Stud Tires Out

- Prostitutes Appeal To Pope

- Panda Mating Fails: Veterinarian Takes Over

- Soviet Virgin Lands Short Of Goal Again

Fun Pool Activities

- Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

- Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people kind of almost drown today.

- Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

- Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

- Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.

- Hit strangers with your flutter board.

- Ask an attractive lifeguard to practice CPR on you.

- Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, "Oh yeah.. oooh that feels soooo good.."

- Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.

- Swim near someone and go "Shoot! I knew I shouldn't have had so much lemonade before I came here."

- Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

- Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say "HA HA, fooled you!"

Three Little Pigs

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read,"...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?"

One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy Toledo, a talking pig!"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.