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prasanna
Age: 47 Zodiac: 
| Joined: 20 Feb 2008 |
| Posts: 2606 |
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Location: DUBAI, Los Angeles, Chennai
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 Posted: Fri May 29, 2009 6:00 pm |
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Jokes
Driving Through Texas
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper.
The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that?
The trooper says, “You’re in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you’ll have your license ready.”
Driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here.”
The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean.
He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, “What’d you do that for?”
The cop says, “Just making your wishes come true.”
The passenger says, “Huh?”
The cop says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say, 'I wish that sucker would’ve tried that stuff with me!'”
Dieting Rules
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.
When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.
Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
Movie-related foods (Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots, Tootsie Rolls, etc.) do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel.
Cookie pieces contain no calories — the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something. Examples are peanut butter on a knife making a sandwich and ice cream on a spoon making a sundae.
Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. Examples are: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and white chocolate. NOTE: Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.
Anything consumed while standing over the kitchen sink, has no calories
Bumper Snickers
I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.
I said “no” to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.
Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don’t.
Fight crime – Shoot back
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
Clear the Road I AM SIXTEEN
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I got this motor home for my wife. Best deal I ever made
Hang up and drive.
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Over… [Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]
If You Can Read This, I’ve Lost My Trailer.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
Old Money
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. “The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“And that’s how you built an empire?” the boy asked.
“Nah,” the old man replied. “My wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”
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