Jokes for the day, Mysticism, reading, forums, Numerology, Sun Signs, Divination

Posts: 4397 · Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 4:48 pm

Jokes

Crashing Cans

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The following afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. Used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession is really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus.

A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

Endearments

A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the guy said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."

Ten Times

A recently divorced woman was walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she had been over the settlement, when she saw a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubbed the lamp, and out popped a genie!

The genie sensed her anger and allowed her to vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informed her that he would give her three wishes. But he cautioned her that because he does not believe in divorce, he would give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie granted her wish and she found herself sitting on a pile of one billion one-dollar bills.

The genie then reminded her that her husband was now the surprised recipient of ten billion dollars. The woman could barely contain her anger when she made her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, exactly as she had imagined her dream home, in every tiny detail. But the genie reminded her again that her ex-husband now owned ten of what she had wished for, and pointed out across the bay to a small development of ten such mansions.

Upon seeing this, the woman took her time to consider her final wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman said she had made up her mind. But, before she could say anything, the genie again warned her that her ex-husband would get ten times whatever she wished for. "No problem," said the woman, smiling at last. "For my final wish, I'd like to give birth to twins."