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Posts: 2611 · Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 5:27 pm

"Great news for New York City garbage men: They can now wear shorts in the summer. It’s all part of the mayor’s plan to beautify the city. I know what you’re thinking: New York City has garbage men?"

-David Letterman

"The Democrats have announced there will be no fried foods at their conventions. Hooray! That means Al Gore won’t be there."

-Craig Ferguson

"Bill Clinton is campaigning for Obama. President Bush is campaigning for McCain. And I’m thinking, 'Wow. This could really be the year for Ralph Nader.'"

-David Letterman

"The networks always run these fireworks safety videos to make sure no one has any fun on the Fourth of July. I know they’re supposed to make us scared of fireworks, but after seeing them I feel this intense desire to blow something up. The only thing we learn from these videos is it’s a bad time of year to be a mannequin."

-Jimmy Kimmel

"Government figures released by President Bush show we are not in a recession. Unless, of course, you have to buy gas or food or some other luxury item . . ."

-Jay Leno

"Barack Obama has started a fashion craze in Italy. Italian designers have taken his look and they’re turning it into fashion. Don’t sell John McCain short — he’s also influencing fashion. He has popularized the 'something on your chin' look."

-David Letterman

"Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone are going to be in a movie together. They’re doing a movie called, 'What the Hell Are They Saying?'"

-Craig Ferguson

"Scientists have come up with a pill that makes you less shy. It makes you more outgoing; it gives you more personality. And I’m thinking, 'Great — now I have to bring two pills on a date.'"

-David Letterman

"An interesting study was released today. People in California are less convinced there is a God than people of any state in the country. On an unrelated note, more than 800 wildfires are burning out of control here. There you go — God is real; he’s mad; and he’s trying to kill us. It’s very hard for firefighters to get them under control, because the vegetation up in northern California, where the fires are, is about 40 percent marijuana plants. Support crews are supposed to be bringing in supplies, but they keep bringing in Doritos and chocolate milkshakes."

-Jimmy Kimmel

"Heat wave in Southern California — 116 degrees in the Valley. So hot, Lindsay Lohan checked herself into a Jamba Juice."

-David Letterman

Posts: 735 · Posted: Fri Jun 27, 2008 11:56 pm

They were good Toubi, thanks for sharing.

Hugs
Marion

Posts: 88 · Posted: Sat Jun 28, 2008 5:18 pm