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Pravin Kumar
Age: 60 Zodiac: 
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 Posted: Sun Mar 23, 2008 4:42 pm |
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Hillary Clinton's Home Town
Bill and Hillary Clinton are driving in the country near Hillary's hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill stops at a gas station. The man at the gas station comes out and looks into the window.
"Hey, Hillary! We used to date in high school, do you remember me?" he asks.
They talk merrily for a few minutes. Bill pays, and they leave. As they drive, Bill is feeling very proud of himself and looks over at Hillary.
"You used to date that guy? Just think what life would be if you hadn't married me," he says. Hillary looks at Bill and says to him,
"Well, I guess you'd be pumping gas and he'd be President"
On the Listening Tour, Hillary was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town she was visiting had named a sandwich after her. She was somewhat less pleased after she found out what was in it. "Mostly baloney," said the proprietor.
Q: Why has President Clinton taken to fooling around with younger women?
A: He got tired of jostling elders!
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A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where Bill Clinton was having an intimate conversation with a beautiful young woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that Democrat gets to spend it with a beautiful woman." Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"
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President Clinton plans to reduce the budget deficit by an appeal to sacrifice. The problem, however, is that every time he gets near a virgin...
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Q: What happens if Bill Clinton gets a shot of testosterone?
A: He turns into Hillary.
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Q: Did you hear that in response to President Bill's habit of dropping in on local McDonalds the McD's national management has annouced a commemorative double cheeseburger, the McClinton?
A: Of course, when you get it, the price has doubled, and it's got half the meat.
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Q: How can you tell when Bill Clinton is lying?
A: Only a Bill Clinton supporter is too dumb to know the answer to this one.
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Q: What's the difference between a porcupine and Bill Clinton's campaign limo?
A: A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
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Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a snake?
A: One is spineless, has a forked tongue and is a threat to humans. The other is a reptile
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Q: How many jokes are there about Bill Clinton?
A: ONE----ALL THE REST ARE TRUE.
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Clinton and The Pope were on the same flight and the plane crashed, killing both of them. Clinton was accidentally sent to heaven and The Pope was sent to hell. God realized the mistake 20 minutes later and transferred Bill to hell and The Pope to heaven. As they were crossing over they passed one another and The Pope said, "I'm sure glad they recognized the error, I was looking forward to meeting The Virgin Mary." Bill replied, while looking at his watch, "You just missed her about 15 minutes ago."
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THE CLINTON ADMINISTRATION: "BRINGING WASHINGTON TO ITS KNEES"
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BILL CLINTON'S NEW BOOK: "HOW TO GET AHEAD IN POLITICS"
Bill Clinton is visiting a school. In one class, he asks the students if anyone can give him an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stands up and offers that "If my best friend who lives next door was playing in the street when a car came along and killed him, that would be a tragedy." "No," Clinton says, "That would be an ACCIDENT." A girl raises her hand. "If a schoolbus carrying fifty children drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved... that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains Clinton."That is what we would call a GREAT LOSS."
The room is silent; none of the other children volunteer. "What?" asks Clinton, "Isn't there any one here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally, a boy in the back raises his hand. In a timid voice, he says: "If an airplane carrying Bill & Hillary Clinton were blown up by a bomb, *that* would be a tragedy."
"Wonderful!" Clinton beams. "Marvelous! And can you tell me WHY that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it wouldn't be an accident, and it certainly would be no great loss!"
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There were 3 high school-aged boys walking down the street in Washington. Suddenly, they see Bill Clinton go jogging by, and he's about to be hit by a car. So, they pull Bill out of the way and save his life. Bill says "Thank you for saving my life. I'll grant each of you one wish."
The first boy says, "I want to go to Georgetown."
Bill pulls some strings and gets the boy admitted.
The second boy says "I want to get into West Point, but it normally requires a Congressional appointment".
So Bill calls up his Democratic friends in Congress and gets the boy his appointment.
The third boy says "I want to be bured in Arlington National Cemetary."
Bill says "That's an odd request for a 17-year old!"
The boy says "Yeah, but when my father finds out I saved your life he's gonna kill me!"
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Hillary is being driven around Washington D.C. and spots a little boy sitting in a park with a wagon. She thinks, "this is a great press opportunity" so she has her driver pull over. She gets out to talk to the little boy and discovers that he has 6 little puppies in the wagon. She comments on how nice they are and the little boy says "Thank you ma'm, they're Democrats!" Of course Hillary is extremely pleased by this.
A few days later, Bill decides to take one of his jogs down to McDonalds, which is close to the park, and Hillary mentions that if he should see a little boy with a wagon he should stop and talk to him. Well, Bill sees the little boy with his wagon and puppies so he tells the little boy, "what nice puppies those are!" The boy says, "Thank you sir. They're Republicans!" "Wait a minute," says Bill, "You told Hillary that they were Democrats." The boy responds, "Yes sir, they were, but now their eyes are open!"
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Bill Clinton dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St.Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Bill replies, "I am Bill Clinton, and I was president of the United States!" St. Peter says, "Ok, I will take you to meet the Lord." So they go to meet the Lord, who says "Who are you and what have you done?" Clinton replies, "I am Bill Clinton and I was president of the U.S.A.!" The Lord then says, "Come Bill, sit on my right hand." Clinton then sits down to the right of the Lord, extremely happy.
Al Gore then dies and goes to the pearly gates, where St. Peter asks him who he is and what he did. Al replies much the same as Bill did, stating that he is Al Gore and was Vice-president of the US. St. Peter then takes him to meet the Lord, who offers Al the seat on his left side. Al accepts, and like Clinton, is ecstatic.
After a while, Hillary dies and gets to the gates. St. Peter asks who she is and what she did, to which she replies, "Hillary Rodham Clinton, wife of the president of the US." Peter then takes her in to meet the Lord who repeats the question, "Who are you and what have you done?" Hillary replies, "I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, and you are in my seat!"
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