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Posts: 2382 · Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:21 pm

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[Quickfire

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What is a man's view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it!

Why don't men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence!

How is being at a singles bar different from being at the circus?
At the circus the clowns don't talk!

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase care they have no intention of driving!

Why do batchelors like smart women?
Opposites attract

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time!

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE..... Men will screw anything

Why are blond jokes so short?
... So men can remember them

Lessons learnt about men ..

1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.

2. Woman don't make fools of men-most of them are the do-it-yourself types .

3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him .

4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.

5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.

6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one-they try harder.

7. Go for younger men. You might as well-they never mature anyway.

8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.

9. Men are all the same-they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.

10. Definition of a man with manners-he gets out of the bath to pee.

11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he already is.

12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men .......... a woman.

13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men - strong, caring, loving - they'd be wrong but you could still use them.

14. Men are like animals-messy, insensitive and potentially violent-but they make great pets.

15. Men's brains are like the prison system-not enough cells per man.

16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop".

17. Husbands are like children-they're fine if they're someone else's.

Men are like ...

Men are like department stores.... their clothes should always be half off.
Men are like vacations.... they never seem to be long enough.
Men are like computers... hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers... load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like coffee.... the best ones are rich, warm, and can keep you up all night long.
Men are like horoscopes.... they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers... they spend most of their lives in a hard ware store or the bathroom.
Men are like cement.... after getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

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Posts: 1691 · Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 4:27 pm

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Posts: 547 · Posted: Fri Feb 22, 2008 9:38 pm