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Pravin Kumar
Age: 60 Zodiac: 
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 Posted: Wed Feb 20, 2008 3:10 pm |
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In an effort to ensure proper training and readiness
among the military services, Congress has approved the
following changes to basic principles of recruit
training:
Haircuts:
Marines: Heads will be shaved.
Army: Stylish flat-top’s for all recruits.
Navy: No haircut standard.
Air Force: Complete makeovers as seen on the Jenny
Jones show.
Training Hours:
Marines: Reveille at 0500, train until 2000.
Army: Reveille at 0600, train until 1900.
Navy: Get out of bed at 0900, train until 1100, lunch
until 1300, train until 1600.
Air Force: Awaken at 1000, breakfast in bed, train
from 1100 to 1200, lunch at 1200, train from 1300 to
1400, nap at 1400, awaken from nap at 1500, training
ceases at 1500.
Meals:
Marines: Meals, Ready-to-Eat 3 times a day.
Army: One hot meal, 2 MRE’s.
Navy: 3 hot meals.
Air Force: Catered meals prepared by the Galloping
Gourmet, Julia Child, and Wolfgang Puck and Emeril
Lagasse. All you can eat.
Leave And Liberty:
Marines: None.
Army: 4 hours a week.
Navy: 2 days a week.
Air Force: For every four hours of training, recruits
will receive eight hours of leave and liberty.
Protocol:
Marines: Will address all officers as "Sir," and refer
to the rank of all enlisted members when speaking to
them (i.e., Sgt. Smith).
Army: Will address all officers as "Sir," unless they
are friends, and will call all enlisted personnel
"Sarge."
Navy: Will address all officers as "Skipper," and all
enlisted personnel as "Chief."
Air Force: All Air Force personnel shall be on a first
name basis with each other.
Decorations/Awards:
Marines: Medals and badges are awarded for acts of
gallantry and bravery only.
Army: Medals and badges are awarded for every bullet
fired, hand grenade thrown, fitness test passed, and
bed made.
Navy: Will have ships’ engineers make medals for them
as desired.
Air Force: Will be issued all medals and badges, as
they will most likely be awarded them at some point
early in their careers anyway.
Camouflage Uniforms:
Marines: Work uniform, to be worn only during training
and in field situations.
Army: Will wear it anytime, anywhere.
Navy: Will not wear camouflage uniforms, they do not
camouflage you on a ship. (Ship Captains will make
every effort to attempt to explain this to sailors.)
Air Force: Will defeat the purpose of camouflage
uniforms by putting blue and silver chevrons and
colorful squadron patches all over them.
Career Fields:
Marines: All Marines shall be considered riflemen
first and foremost.
Army: It doesn’t matter, all career fields promote to
E-8 in first enlistment anyway.
Navy: Nobody knows. The Navy is still trying figure
out what sailors in the ABH, SMC, BNC and BSN rates do
anyway.
Air Force: Every recruit will be trained in a manner
that will allow them to leave the service early to go
on to higher paying civilian jobs.
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