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Posts: 2382 · Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 3:33 pm

[size=18][/si"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

Robin Will iams

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place"

Billy Crystal

CSPAN"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."

Robert De Niro

"There's a new medical crisis.Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?"

Dustin Hoffman

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, 'I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"

Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

Robin Williams

"It's been so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Joan Rivers

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy."

Steve Martin

" You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Elmo Phillips

" Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same."

Oscar Wilde

" It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns
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Posts: 187 · Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:17 pm

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

"Yeah teach?" he replies.

"If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?" asks the teacher.

Matt answers "Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off."

"No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you're thinking." the teacher responds.

"Well, teach, I've got a question for you... There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?"

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, "Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that's sucking on the ice cream."

Matt replies "No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking!"

Posts: 187 · Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 4:28 pm

An airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying over Africa had a malfunction, and went down. A few weeks later, the Pepsi Company sent a rescue plane. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals.

They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief said, “You betcha!”

When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, “We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi.”

The Rescue crew were shocked. One man asked, “Did you eat their legs?”

The chief replied, “We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi.”

Another rescuer asked, “Did you eat their arms?”

The Chief replied, “We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi.”

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, “Did you…you know…eat, their…’things’?”

The chief says, “No.”

“No?” asked the rescuer.

“No,” replied the Chief, “THINGS go better with Coke.”

Posts: 2755 · Posted: Sun Nov 04, 2007 10:51 pm

LoL@You Guys....